Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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