i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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