someone threw a dead crab at me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This baby is an asshole
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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