You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
