My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
