he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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