Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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