We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
40s are totally the cure
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
