i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Who died my cat blue again?
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