Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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