i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
