i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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