I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
