i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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