cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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