these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
