So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
