I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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