he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
