just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was born a porn star she said
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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