I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
