i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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