I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
