I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
