literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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