We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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