Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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