What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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