You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We got so high we made milksteak
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
