i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
