I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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