Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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