i already hear my dad disowning me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
