I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
