call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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