hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
