quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
