we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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