hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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