we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
