wrigley field is MILF paradise
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this just has baby written all over it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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