he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
