when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
