He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
