i don't like sucking hair
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
