my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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