is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
