She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love you. Go after that dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
