I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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