did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
