Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
