I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
