Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
