last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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