I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
