Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
