my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize