And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
