i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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