he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
