if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just found puke in my bra..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize