Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
