I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
