you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
