Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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