we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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