goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
