At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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