well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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