Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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