porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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