What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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