508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
