I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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